


Maybe

by NropaY_OneEye



Category: The Commuter (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Secret Relationship, So I write it myself, They don't have enough screen time in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 08:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NropaY_OneEye/pseuds/NropaY_OneEye
Summary: “so, you’re not here to see my handsome face after all.”Joanna, despised the seriousness of this supposedly business talk, she laughed.“no, afraid not,” she said, “But I did take it as a bonus.”





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LaCacciatrice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaCacciatrice/gifts).



> Thank you, Lodi, for agreed with me that these two should get together, it give me motivation to write and finish this fic.  
> -  
> English isn't my first languge and this work didn't have any Beta. I'm sorry for the wrong grammar, the misspells, and the incoherent that might happened in this fic.

They met in a bar.

Alex just signed the divorce paper, ended six years of marriage and now planned to drown himself in alcohol. It was getting worse every year. He believed in good deed, he tried hard to be a good cop, like Mike was, but it never gets him anywhere. Mike already retired for almost five years and go have a good life with his family. Alex envied him. He couldn’t leave the force, he didn’t know how to do anything else besides being a cop, and he still suck at it. Everyone at the precinct always looking down at him, some ware out of pity but most of those were mocking him, at his mistake and his miserable life. He hated them. He hated his life.

Then, out of nowhere, this woman with blond hair sat down beside him. and order him a drink.

“You look like you could use more drink” she said when he turned to look at her, like she knew what he was going to ask.

“yeah” he chuckled, “wasn’t a very good day.”

She gave him a smile, it was a small but adorable smile. A bit of light from the outside, passed through the window, and placed a colorful reflection on her blonde hair. She was quite beautiful, he realized, under the dim light of the bar.

“I didn’t have a very good day either,” she said, sitting down before ordering her own drink.

“I signed my divorce paper this morning,” Alex said, his eyes focused on the beer in his glass, “delays it for years, trying to fix things…all for it to blow up in my face.”

“sorry to hear that,” She said. He didn’t really think she was sorry, all the people he talked about this to didn’t really sorry, he didn’t mind any more.

“…how about you?” he asked, “what was your bad day like?”

“my opinion gets dismissed without they even take a look,” she said, her smile morphed into a blank expression, “on the other hand this dude with same opinion as me said it and it suddenly ‘valid’.”

Alex stopped his staring contest with the reflection of himself and turned to look at her, his brows drew together with disbelief and a bit of curiosity.

“not that I care about those bastards’ opinions about me, it’s just upsetting.” she continued after drowned her drink.

They fallen into an awkward silent for a minute. Alex taken his eyes off the blonde woman and turned back to his own drink.

“they sound like absolute pricks,” he said, that seemed to make her let out a little laugh. Alex didn’t know if it was because of all the alcohol, or because he was just felt lonely, but in that moment, he thought that her laugh was the most beautiful sound he ever heard.

“yeah,” she said, her smile a bit warmer, “you’re right, they really are a bunch of pricks.”

They laughed.

“Alex Murphy,” He said after realizing that he never introduced himself, “pleasure to meet you.”

“You can call me Joanna,” she smiled at him, “nice to meet you, too.”

A click of their glass, and odd friendship started to formed then.

They continued talking. Surprising things that came out was that Joanna didn’t really plan to like this man, she actually just came here because she knew he was a cop in a life slump, help him out could be good in a long run and meant that she’ll have a guy inside the PD. She didn’t plan to have a long conversation with him and enjoyed herself. He was, surprisingly, a nice guy to talk to, a bit blunt on his opinion, but nice.

“it’s seemed like I got to go now,” she said after checking he watch, before smiling at him.

Maybe that bit of niceness she found was the reason that she decided to leave him lived his noble life for a little while.

“I really hope things are looking up for you,” Joanna continued before leaving.

“I really hope we will meet again one day,” Alex said then, smiling back at her.

She paused then, turned around and looking back, no one really said that to her anymore, well, it didn’t help that all her talk with men on the past years was all business, even with her own husband.

“yeah, one day,” she whispered, smiles on her face gave Alex a warm feeling in his stomach, before walked away into the street under New York’s night light.

Sadly, Alex’s life didn’t turn out right like Joanna’s hope.

* * *

 

“If we met in a better circumstance, I would say it’s lovely to see you again,”

Months passed by and they met again, on the lonely morning at one of the less-popular diners in town, under the threats of Det. Alex Murphy came close to outing her bosses’ conspiracies.

“but it wasn’t,” Joanna said while sat down the opposite of him in the booth, “pity.”

Alex was looking at her now, he looks more worn out when she seen him the first time, that made her felt a little upset. Shouldn’t an active cop take a better care of himself? Joanna gave him a small scowl and ordering her own food.

“what are you doing here?” he said, his tone hardened, and that didn’t made Joanna felt any better about the situation.

“I’m here on behalf of my bosses, which I will leave out the name,” she answered him, “to talk to you about _the case_ you’re doing”

“the case…” he said, confused, “what about it?”

“They want you to drop out of it.”

The look of realization drowned on Alex’s face. He laughed then, short and bitter. He looked into her eyes and said,

“so, you’re not here to see my handsome face after all.”

Joanna, despised the seriousness of this supposedly business talk, she laughed.

“no, afraid not,” she said, “But I did take it as a bonus.”

Alex did let out a little laugh, which made Joanna smile a small smile, before went back to the first topic she was here to discussed.

“I won’t,” Alex said.

“You should,” she advised, “if you won’t they will not let you go, but if you take their offered, all this money will be yours.”

“and you suggest me to leave my moral for dirty money?” Alex snapped, “I became a cop because I want to make this city a better place, what would I be if I take them.”

He went back to his own meal. She stared at him then, she didn’t take a looked at her take away food when the waitress came to served them.

“You think what you’re doing is noble?”

Joanna’s question caught Alex off guard, he looked at her, curiosity in his eyes.

“No, Alex, there are no such things as noble,” she continued, “it’s just an easy task, let the case go. Then you can take the money, think about it, it could help you with your life, it could be an opportunity.”

“I don’t care about my life”

“Then think about your kids”

That seemed to caught his attention

“didn’t you missed two months of child’s support you need to give to your ex-wife?” Joanna paused, let the consequence she implied sank in, they both locked eyes, no one seemed to want to be the first to back down.

Until Joanna’s phone rang.

“Oh, it seemed like I have to go,” She said while standing up, before taken her take away in hands

“You have a day to think about it, Alex. Then called me” Joanna continued and give him her number, not her personal one, but still her number, “Made the right choice.”

Alex stared at the piece of paper on the table, he didn’t look at her when she walked out, the wheels in his head were turning, trying to considered her offer about the money. In the end he decided that he will not drop the case and continued to do his job, but he still took her number into his pocket when he decided to leave the diner anyway.

Thinking that at least now he had her number, maybe he could ask her out for a drink again.

That evening, Alex walked into his apartment, dropped his bag and take off his coat. He just decided to take a shower when his phone rang. He noticed that it was his ex-wife, Alex sighed and pick up the phone

“Hi Ellen,”

_“Alex, I know that you’re having a hard time with your job right now, but you know our agreement,”_

“Yeah, I know and I’m sorry, it’s just…”

_“No, no excuses Alex. I know that you’re trying, I really do, but if you miss this month payment, you can’t meet them anymore.”_

“What?”

_“Alex, you know it was in the contract, if you can’t proof that you can provided them, I can’t send them into your care when the agreed time come”_

“Are you saying that you’re going to keep my children away from me? They’re MY kids, too, you know that!”

_“I know Alex, I didn’t want this but we also already talk about this last month…Just, don’t forget this month, OK?”_

“Ellen, Ellen, wait!” She didn’t listen, and the phone already hung up.

“Dammit,” Alex whispered, he sat down on the apartment’s floor, felt the headache slowly ate him, “dammit.”

He placed his head in his hands, thinking all about the wrong choice he made. He was nearly 40, divorced and alone in a crappy apartment, trying hard to be a good cop that his young self dream of, turned out it was all just a lie.

He screamed then, picked his coat up and tried to muffled it. He screamed until his throat felt sore, that was when he saw a piece of paper falling out his coat’s pocket.

He stared at it, the feeling of helplessness creeped in to his bone with the image of him separated from his kids, but then, all of them disappear. Alex felt calm, calmer than he ever be, only image in his head was Joanna. He called her…

“Hello, yes, Joanna, this is Alex,” He said, his voice was a bit too cold but he didn’t care, “Can you tell your bosses I have another offer in mind?”

Alex Murphy made a decision that day, he didn’t drop the case, but he also didn’t follow his own lead. He didn’t know who the poor bastard he brought in was, that was Joanna’s Job, he only knew that this was the case that change his whole life, he got better case, got better life. Pity that he couldn’t say he became a better cop, he knew that he wasn’t.

He lost believe in noble things that younger him did, noble things didn’t help him with his life, or helped him kept his kids, didn’t help his family…

Being a corrupted cop wasn’t the worst thing that ever happened to him, that was certain.

* * *

 

“nice plan, the one you came up with,”

Alex was in the bar again. Mike just walked out, he knew about his _big bust_ and wanted to celebrated. He did regret it, betrayed his ideal and lied to his friend, but he was desperate, and that decision seemed to made his life a bit better. Joanna came to him again then, she walked to him with a satisfied smile.

“flattered,” he said, before ordering more drink.

“didn’t know you have that in you,” she said, sitting down next to him.

“I’m surprised, too, thought that when the case end, you’ll disappeared from my life again.”

She chuckled, and ordered her own drink. They both sat there and listen to the noises in the bar, until Alex couldn’t keep his eyes off her anymore. He turned to watched her, took in her beauty and the picture of small smile playing on her lips.

“Why are you here?” he asked, though, it came out more like a whisper. She still heard him, of cause.

“I’m just here to see your handsome face,” She answered him with a smile, before let out a little laugh. Alex looked at her, and let out a little laugh, too.

Joanna thought she liked his laugh, it was adorable.

They started talking. They talked before occasionally on the case, he needed her help after all. She knew something about him that he couldn’t tell anyone, and whatever the feeling he had about her was, it told him that he could trust her to keep a secret. He also learned a bit more about Joanna, about the books she had read and what was it that she liked in general. Just talking and drinking.

Until they looked into each other’s eyes with a bit too much alcohol in their vain.

Both of them ended up inside Alex’s apartment, barely made it to the bedroom when all the clothes were off on the floor. They forgot all about works then, forgot things they done for the sake of themselves. Joanna looked into Alex eyes and felt like the world around her seem more interesting, and that moment Joanna kissed him, Alex felt alive.

* * *

 

When the alarm clock rang loud, they both woke up next to each other with a horrible headache.

“this is the worst,” Joanna moaned miserably and rubbed her eyes. Alex took a look at her, before getting up to made coffee.

“Sex with me was that bad?” He chuckled, before frowning when he saw that the shelf had ran out of coffee.

“I mean the headache,” she answered with amused tone, “the sex, as I remember, was pretty good.”

Alex laughed at that, he came back with two glass of water and a tablet of painkiller.

“Oh, thank you,” Joanna said and take the glass and the pill. Alex then walked around the bed and sat on his side.

They sat in silent for a while, neither really want to get up and leave. Until Joanna felt Alex’s hand reached for her, it wrapped around her body. She felt his lips placed soft kisses at her shoulder, then it stopped, his arms were hugging her, his head touched her shoulder, asking unspoken question for continuity. She didn’t say anything, just looked at him and smiles. He smiled back.

After that, their meeting started to became a routine.

They were not dating. Though, Alex did ask, once, after the third time they ended up in bed together. He wanted to take this, whatever that they had, outside this tiny apartment, became something more and official, but Joanna said they weren’t be safe. She was right, of cause. One of them was a corrupted agent and another was a corrupted cop, it was not even a good idea to told people that they knew each other. And because she was right, he listened.

That didn’t mean sometimes he wasn’t wish that he didn’t have to listen.

He wished he could introduce her to his kids, his friends. He wished he could take her out to some romantic date night in a fancy restaurant. Joanna didn’t care about all that, though. After sometime she would just show up at his place and maybe stay a night, before left in the next morning without a note. They didn’t really talk much on those time. It was mostly just about sex, because both of them knew they can’t have more than that.

But thing get harder when, over time, Alex started to memorized details about her. Her bright blue eyes that shone brighter when she was thinking. Her relaxed smile that only appeared around him. Her voice that made him felt enchanted. Her little habit of unknowingly made a dog-ear on the page that she taking more time to read than intended.

Alex tried, he never asked Joanna to stay.

Until not long after the day he was made Sargent, that he decided to.

It was not his good day. His kids, now quite grown up, stated that the didn’t want to see him anymore after he get in a fight with Ellen in front of them over the custody agreement. He knew that it was his fault to begin with, and that only made the pain stronger.

It was the moment of weakness that he just wanted to have someone in his life, so he asked her to stay.

“You know that what we have isn’t supposed to be more than what it already was, Alex” she said, “I shouldn’t stay.”

“just one more night,” he plead.

She stayed then, but after that, she disappeared.

A week passed by and Alex didn’t hear anything from Joanna or be able to contact her, he felt heartbroken. Although, he didn’t just give up on finding Joanna, he was a detective after all.

It was almost two months until he saw her again, he found her when she just finished business talk with another crooks.

“I thought I won’t get to see you again,” Alex said, trying to caught up with her step.

“What do you want?” She asked, her voice betrayed no emotion, but it did crack in the next sentence, “you knew that we can’t.”

“Yes, I know that is what you think!” he didn’t intend to snap, but it did catch her attention.

He told her then, told her how he missed her smile, missed all the looks in her eyes, missed her passionate kisses, missed her soft touches. He told her he wanted to make her laughed that joyful laugh, and made her smiled that beautiful smile.

He said fuck the thought that they can’t be together, because he just wanted to be with her.

He didn’t say that he loves her, because he didn’t have to.

Joanna didn’t say she love him either, she knew that it was too soon for that, but then she smiled and kissed him, and that was enough.

That night at Alex’s room, they talked, just talked again, talked about their life and their dream that never came true, talked about what could have been if fate were kinder. They had fallen into deep sleep in each other’s arms.

And then she stayed, not every day, but as much as she could. Alex didn’t mind. As long as he got to see Joanna’s smile, he didn’t mind anything at all.

* * *

 

Over a year Alex’s apartment slowly turned into their, it started with simple things like toothbrush and towel, until the closet was full of their clothes kept together.

He made lieutenant not long before their third anniversary of their relationship, if he would call it that. He was out celebrated with his squad, gritted his teeth accepted congratulation from that prick Hawthorne, he prayed hard to be home and stop pretending to be this det. Murphy that his men admired. He knew that he was not that man. Stayed in the job was getting more upsetting every day when the mask slowly slipped.

He might not hate his life anymore, but he still did hate his job.

“Maybe we should run away together,” Alex mused while moved closer to hugged Joanna from behind, his face buried into her blond hair.

“Not a bad idea,” she chuckled, “but then we might end up on a street and continue our life miserably.”

“that’s bullshit,” Alex scoffed, before continued with a teasing tone, “You’re smart, a mastermind of whatever job you’re doing, pull a little sting and you would be the queen of the world.”

Joanna then turned to him with a mock wide-eyed amazement expression, before burst out laughing.

“Oh, now you’re flattered me!” He didn’t, Alex knew it, he also knew that she knew. This beautiful woman in front of him could find someone to took place as a scapegoat for a high power in a government conspiracy and planted all the needed evidences, he had no doubt that she could do anything.

“you don’t give yourself enough credit,” he said, smirking.

“well, I did get all that I want,” she replied, smiling at him.

They stared into other’s eyes, kind eyes that no one knew they belonged to corrupted people, most beautiful things they ever seen. Alex felt the pain in his chest, something that waited a long time to get out, he gathered his courage, and whispered.

“I love you”

Everything falls silent, Joanna gone stiffed, Alex took a deep breath and started to regret what he said, suddenly.

“I love you, too.”

They loved each other, and that was their secret, precious secret that they couldn’t told anyone else, but in long night or a lazy morning, it was just Alex and Joanna in this tiny apartment, enjoying themselves in each other company, and it was perfect.

Sometimes after that, she asked something from him, with a set of rings that caught her eyes, she asked with a promised to ran away after these things she already have in hand was over, he didn’t have to struck with this job he hate and this city he despised any more. They would take the train, maybe visited Chicago, changed their name, before took a night flight and fly away without looking back.

Alex smiled, and with that adorable smile of his and soft kisses they shared that she knew everything will be alright for them, they were not good or noble, but maybe they will get their happy ending.

* * *

 

Until everything gone wrong.

It started with him called her about the witness that get away, she wasn’t worried, of cause, they dealt with something like this before.

But then, he told her about his friend, Michael MacCauley, just get fired and needed money for his family. Alex told her that he could help find the witness, asked her to help his friend, and she trusted Alex.

Joanna wished that she didn’t listen to him.

Michael wasn’t easy to break, even with his family in danger he wasn’t even bended. She hated him then, for made her job harder than it supposed to be. She should have just killed him and the whole train and be done with it.

She shouldn’t have let Alex go on that train cart…

That night, when she knew the shot was fired, knew who the bullet killed, she went to Alex’s apartment and screamed.

Joanna was calmed and collected person, she never screamed like that in her entire life. She screamed until her throat sore and her chest hurt, she cried until her eyes that burned hot didn’t have any tear left, she thought about Alex’s smile, until that was the last image she seen when she fallen asleep.

The alarm clock rang, it rang and rang every morning since she permanatly moved in, and when Joanna was the one to turned it off, the picture of her and Alex together was gone with the voice that woke her up from the dream that would never come true.


End file.
